The Pointless Parody
by Midnight farey
Summary: This is a bunch of pointless stuff I made up. It takes all the AF writers I enjoy reading and puts them on trial against the AF characters. My summaries suck. RxR please!
1. Ozumas Girl

**A/N: So basically this is the AF characters saying all the things that flamers say or want to say about extremely good fics. None of the opinions are mine. In fact, all the authors mentioned I really really like.**

**Disclaimer: This chapter belongs mainly to Eoin Colfer and Ozumas Girl. I own the plot and thats all.**

Ozumas Girl: _Falls into court room_ Um...where am I?

Foaly: Case one, Ozumas Girl vs. the LEP and its associates. Ozumas Girl, you are being charged with falsifying data, fraud, and pedofile. How do you plead?

Ozumas Girl: What? Not guilty!

Foaly: Oh really? Bring in exhibit A!

_Giant Computer screen appears_

Foaly: Exhibit A. Your story "A Centaur Can Love Too Ya Know". You falsely state many times in this that a certain Artemis Fowl II and I are intimately involved!

Ozumas Girl: That's not fair!

Foaly: Exactly! I am not gay!

Ozumas Girl: No, I mean its not fair I being tried for this. Where's my lawyer?

Mulch: _Appears suddenly _My client is innocent!

Ozumas Girl: Where's the jury?

_Butler, Holly, Artemis, Juliet, Root, and Count Olaf appear in the Jury stands._

Juliet: _To Count Olaf _What are you doing here?

Holly: Is this a cross over?

Foaly: No.

Count Olaf: _Disappears._

Foaly: Satisfied?

Ozumas Girl: No.

Foaly: Too bad! Exhibit B. Your story "Why Are You In A Skirt?"

Artemis and Butler: SHE'S GUILTY!

Foaly: You realize that if this disgusting story were to be released, Butler could go to jail?

Ozumas Girl: But it's already on the internet! I have twenty reviews on it, and most of the people who read it seemed to enjoy it.

Foaly: That's because they're as perverted as you!

Butler: How can a smutty story about a grown man molesting his underage employer be entertaining?

Ozumas Girl: Because it is?

Mulch: My client would like to call a witness!

Ozumas Girl: Shut up!

Foaly: No. Exhibit C. Your story "Behind Closed Door's"

Artemis and Root: SHE'S GUILTY!

Holly: What is it with you people? I do not like Root!

Juliet: _giggles madly_

All guys expect Mulch: _Glare_

Foaly: Exhibit D. Your story "The Secret Life of St. Bartbley Students"

Artemis: What? How dare you! I am NOT A SLUT! Where on earth do you get this insane ideas!

Ozumas Girl: This isnt fair! None of you are impartial!

All: TOO BAD!

Mulch: My client pleads insanity!

Ozumas Girl: WHAT? NO!

Foaly: Plea granted. Next case!

Ozumas Girl: _Is dragged off by two guys in white suits and forced into a straight jacket_

**A/N: Review! BTW, I spoke to Ozumas Girl and she is all for this. Also, if you havent read the fics mentioned in this I suggest you do. I'll update as soon as I get another writer's permission.**


	2. Ladyfirehair

**A/N: Chapter two. This one features Ladyfirehair. **

**Disclaimer: Ladyfirehair owns the originals and fics mentioned in this chapter. Eoin Colfer owns the rest. But I still have the plot. Ha!**

Ladyfirehair :_Falls into_ _courtroom_ Hey-what?

Artemis: Oh, that was intelligent.

Holly: Shut up, mud welp!

Ladyfirehair: Where am I?

Foaly: Case two, Ladyfirehair vs. The LEP and its associates. Ladyfirehair, you are being charged with falsifying data and treason. How do you plead?

Ladyfirehair: What? Treason? I'm seventeen! Not guilty.

Foaly: Would you like a lawyer?

Ladyfirehair: No thanks! I saw what happened to Ozumas Girl. Can I pick my own lawyer?

Foaly: Eh, sure.

Ladyfirehair: Um...I want Holly for my lawyer.

Foaly: Suit yourself, sweetie.

_Some red berries appear in the chair next to Ladyfirehair_

Ladyfirehair: Wait, that's not what I-

Foaly: And now for the jury.

_Holly, Artemis, Root, Mulch, Alex Rider and Butler appear in the juror stand._

Mulch: Why am I here?

Foaly: Because I said!

Mulch: Oh.

Foaly: Exhibit A. Your story "Quest".

Artemis: GUILTY!

Alex: NOT GUILTY!

Everyone: _Looks at Alex_

Alex: What? I liked it! Especially chapter nine!

Holly: Shut up Rider.

Foaly: Exhibit B, your originalMadeleine Faera.

Madeleine: _Apprears suddenly_

Holly: MARY SUE!

Artemis: GUILTY!

Alex: NOT GUILTY!

Everyone: Shut up Rider!

Ladyfirehair: She isn't a Mary Sue! And I'm not guilty!

Foaly: Yes she is, and yes you are! Jury, your verdict?

Holly, Root, Artemis, Butler and Mulch: GUILTY!

Alex: NOT GUILTY!

Foaly: Too bad! Ladyfirehair, you are hereby sentenced to twenty years without a computer!

Ladyfirehair: What? NO!

Foaly: Hmmm...well...I could always send you to jail...

Alex: Dont send her to jail!

Foaly: Alright then, you take her!

Alex: Fine! _Grabs Ladyfirehair and runs away_

Artemis: Doesnt it usually take a lot longer then that?

Foaly: Too bad! Next case!

**A/N: Review! Next chappie; Jamie Love. Or maybe someone else. I'm not really sure. Reveiw!**


	3. Jamie Love

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews. Chapter Three: Jamie Love. This one is a little bit longer because A) There are more characters involved and B) Jamie and I have been friends since pre-K, so she let me do just about whatever I wanted.**

Jamie Love: _Falls into Courtroom_ Who are you?

Foaly: I am Judge Foaly

Jamie Love: No, I mean you _Points at Draco Malfoy_

Draco: I'm Draco Malfoy, you insufferable author.

Jamie Love: Why are you here?

Foaly: He isn't.

Draco disappears

Jamie Love: Um…okay.

Foaly: Case three, Jamie Love vs. the LEP and its associates. Jamie Love, you are being charged with falsifying data, having a corny pen name and having too many originals. How do you plead?

Jamie Love: You cant put me on trial for having a corny pen name. And I only have seven originals.

Foaly: Too bad! Guilty or not guilty?

Jamie Love: Not guilty.

Foaly: Do you want a lawyer?

Jamie Love: No thanks.

Foaly: Too bad! Here's your lawyer.

Jamie Love: But I don't want…

Juliet: _Appears suddenly _Hello!

Jamie Love: Oh god.

Foaly: And the jury…

Holly, Artemis, Butler, Root, Vinyaya, and Mulch appear.

Vinyaya: Why do I have to be here?

Foaly: Do you have something better to do?

Vinyaya: Yes.

Foaly: Okay, you can go.

Vinyaya: _Disappears_

Jamie: Hey!

Foaly: Exhibit A, your originals.

Judith Root, Alex, Tiff, Genny, Adriana Penalosa, Ivory Powell, and Trish appear.

Artemis: Guilty!

Root: Why does your only fairy original have to be my niece?

Jamie Love: What about Ivory and Trish?

Root: They're half-breeds.

Ivory and Trish: HEY!

Ivory: Listen you fucking bastard I'm not taking any fucking shit from a fucking midget! Fuck!

Foaly: SHUT UP!

Ivory and Trish: _Fall silent_

Holly: Wasn't there an Alex last case?

Butler: He was a guy. This Alex is a girl.

Holly: Oh.

Foaly: Exhibit B, your story "Arranged Love" and it's sequel "Toxic Love".

Artemis and Holly: GUILTY!

Ivory and Trish: NOT GUILY!

Adriana¡No culpable!

Foaly: You three aren't on the jury!

Alex: Can I go be a whore at my school now?

Artemis: Yes, please let her go somewhere else.

Foaly: No! She's part of exhibit A.

Genny: I like puppies.

Foaly: Um…okay. Exhibit C, your story "School Project"

Tiff: Did we pass that in?

Alex: I didn't. I was busy kissing some boy I don't know.

Genny: I have a puppy.

Artemis: GUILTY! And can they please leave? All three of them?

Alex: Oh, now I remember! I passed it in!

Juliet: She's not guilty!

Foaly: You have no idea what this is about, do you?

Juliet: No clue.

Genny: His name is Kitty.

Foaly: Exhibit D, your story "Family Secrets".

Root, Artemis, and Holly: GUILTY!

Judith: Not Guilty!

Alex: I'm bored.

Tiff: She does that all the time.

Genny: He likes milk.

Artemis: GET THEM OUT OF HERE!

Foaly: I cant concentrate with you four talking! Okay, would the defense like a final statement?

Jamie Love: We never got a first.

Juliet: Can we call someone to the stand?

Foaly: Sure, why not.

Juliet: Okay. We call Jamie Love.

Jamie Love: _Appears in stand_

Juliet: Jamie Love, is it true that your original Alex is a whore?

Jamie Love: Well duh! She's already said that about five times.

Juliet: The defense rests.

Jamie Love: What?

Foaly: Jury, your verdict?

All: GUITY!

Jamie Love: Oh come on! Your all insane.

Foaly: Too bad!

Juliet: My client pleads guilty!

Jamie Love: No! I'm innocent! And my lawyer is a poser! I want a retrial!

Foaly: No retrial! Jamie Love, you are sentenced to twenty years in jail with your originals. No parole.

Juliet: Oh well. Tough luck.

Jamie Love: But I cant live with them! Its hard enough having them in my mind!

Genny: Does this mean we passed?

Jamie Love: I think I'm going to die!

Foaly: Good idea!

Jamie Love is shot by a random bullet

Foaly: Next case!**A/N: Okay, I sort of over-did it on Alex and Genny. But Jamie told me about some idiot saying Alex is a whore last week. And I know Ivory doesn't say that many swears. But I don't care! Next case: Possibly Blue Yeti.**

**Oh, and Jamie…I am SO sorry!**


End file.
